The path to now

So you may have gathered that Thali's sleep (or lack of) is our main reason for trying the FAILSAFE diet. The decision wasn't made lightly or with ease. It also wasn't our first thought, nor our last resort.

For the first 8 weeks Thali was a dream baby, fed well, slept anywhere was very easy going. At 9 weeks all that changed, she stopped sleeping easily, was feeding constantly and was generally pretty grumpy - but she did start sleeping through the night. We had lots of helpful advice, from growth spurts, to developmental stages, to the eternal "teething." We knew something wasn't right but everyone said she's growing, she's alert, she's fine.

It wasn't until a checkup with the nurse told us she'd only put on 65grams in a month that people finally sat up and listened. We were advised to try sleep school as it was near impossible to get her to sleep during the day. I went for a day stay, I really didn't want to, but I went. At 9.30am we went to put her down for a sleep - giving her a feed first. Every time I put her down she would scream. Feed her again I was told, and again, and again... Eventually at 11am they told me she's hungry that's why she won't sleep. Go home, give her formula. I was devastated. Imagine being told you have been starving your baby for weeks.  Until we got the feeding sorted and her weight gain back up we did whatever it took to get her to sleep and keep her happy. Usually this meant carrying her in a sling, driving in the car, feeding to sleep and letting her sleep on us. After much support from my local ABA councilor and a lactation consultant we got the feeding sorted out and back on track. (We are still breastfeeding now at 10months.)

However, I never got that happy, easy going baby back. She has never since fallen asleep without a lot of assistance from us. She is also very high maintenance. Trying to explain that to someone who doesn't know you makes you sound like a complete idiot. She's a baby - of course she needs you 100% of the time. I know that, I'm not an idiot. I also know that she isn't like other babies her age, people that see her regularly agree that she needs a lot of attention - more than 'normal.'

We have spoken to nurses and doctors, spoken to friends and family. Had an appointment with the Royal Children's Hospital and done a full weeks stay at a different sleep school. No-one has been able to help. If I hear one more person describe my daughter as cheeky, alert or determined I think I will go into meltdown. I know she's alert - she's too alert. The poor thing can't relax, help us!

To get her to sleep I usually have to feed her or go for a drive. Sometimes I have success with patting and sshhing but then I can't leave the room. Rhys has more success at getting her to sleep in her cot but it still takes 15minutes at best, 40minutes or more, is more common. And then we have to get out of her room without making the floorboards squeak, or the light switch 'click'.  Then when we want to go to bed (our room is next to hers) we have to tread the boards again and try to slide between the sheets without a noise - yes even the rustle of sheets will wake her!

Let her cry is the common suggestion from friends. Although I have no problem with those that choose to do that, it's not something I can do. I also don't think it will work for our daughter. Every child will respond differently to any parenting choice. This is not one I believe Thali will respond well to. Yes she grizzles and fusses and will often scream for 10mins while we leave to compose ourselves, but leaving her to cry on her own when I can go and hold her seems unnatural to me. This is my baby, the little girl that has made me experience love and adoration like never before, the cheeky girl whose giggle I could listen to all day, I'm not being too soft on her, I'm loving her and I'm wanting to make things better for her when there is obviously something wrong. We just haven't worked out what that is yet. That's our problem - not hers. 

Finally it was a friend from my online mothers group that pointed out all the similarities between our babies and how well the diet was working for them. I read up a little and decided it was definitely worth a try. I spoke to Rhys, after our fourth terrible, sleepless night and he was also willing to try anything. We have hit breaking point, with Thali often taking an hour to settle, waking frequently and thinking 10pm-2am is party time something needs to change. Hopefully this will be the turning point, and if it's not I'll keep looking...